The Casket I've Always Wanted EP

by Trey the Ruler

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02:36
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about

“Both of these poems are for all the lost ones that I haven’t lost yet & for my loved ones who have lived with their losses.”

credits

released 22 February 2013
All Poetry Copyright © 2012 Hal James Hales III (Trey the Ruler). All Recordings: Matthew Fitzpatrick at Roseland Recording Room. Cover Photo by Nick Burdett. Typography by Micah at Diamond Head Clothing.

tags

tags: poetry slam poetry spoken word Portland

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Track Name: Campfire
What's your relationship like with death?
Is it avoidance?
Do you face it head on or do you use religions to cope with its existence?
Have you ever chased it, begged for it to grab your ankles?
Have you ever said that & not meant it just for the shock value?
Does it make you uncomfortable to talk about the inevitable?
Do your palms clam up when I say that we have no control?
and the only way we do is by our own hand, but only a weak man can understand that feeling/ & the strong minded knows that this life, it’s fleeting/ & the fool claims he wants to live forever/ & I promise you that you'll just never be happy/ it’s the difference between going camping & being homeless/ this vacation & unemployment/ what we love more than leaving, is knowing that, it’s just a moment/ & that it’ll be there when we return/ the same way as we left/ it’s so bittersweet to leave & come back, without a safety net/ but we will fail & we will fall/ & that's better than doing nothing at all/ but at the same time/ my actions have me looking down off a cliff side/ with my life in my own hands, but my palms are empty/ my finger tips are cold & I'm faced with the enemy/ so I told him about my thoughts with death/ & how it had a familiar smell, like campfire on a getaway week/ & I saw his eyes in the embers & this hell it’s been creeping up on me/ so you could say it was expected/ & the trap it was perfected/ I said I know your planning on getting rid of me/ & I'm not going to do a single thing to intercept it/ so how about you just hit me with your wrath, man/ what the fuck are you waiting for?/ I'm not going to fear something I can't prevent, or at least I won't anymore/ I've always wanted a casket completely my own/ I'm the only body here but I know I'm not alone/ I'm face to face with you, Death/ so I ask you:
What's your relationship like with life?
Is it gracious?
Do you give us this time as a vacation from dirt?
Does it make you anxious?
How do you pick which one of us you take first?
Is there a basis, or a time limit that we have left on this earth?
And ever since I was a kid I've always wanted to ask this, when it happens,
Is it going to hurt?
Track Name: Pall Bearer
Which one of us is dead, now? We walk together, head down/ I feel like a pall bearer when I hold your hand/ staring at the ground before we put you in it/ because there’s a skeleton under mushy mussels that no longer has this weight to left because the guilt is in the handles of the casket, & I just can't handle this/ they tell me to just grip the cold steel & lift my beloved that was stolen/ & take her to her early resting place with a chest swollen/ matching eyes/ leaking faces for these young goodbyes/ strangers paying respects with these faulty checks/ they always bounce back like the refractions of light in the silver shine of that hand in the handle/ but I'm not shivering to pick her up, but to let her go/ it’s just too soon to know that death comes too slow for people who want it most/ a last breath for two, there’s no hope/ the mandatory widow/ & which one of us is that again?/ is it a causality if I'm in a casket of skin/ dead, yet still being/ amongst the living/ what value does this ghost have verses a zombie? I'm either invisible to you & just haunting for attention/ a roaming soul with emotional ties to keep be present/ or maybe I'm an apocalypse of a disease epidemic/ so hungry for the warm blood that used to keep me energetic/ but now my arms are real tired & I’m feeling kinda weak/ so I lay myself down on these unfamiliar silk sheets, & as I slowly doze off to sleep/ I realize I'm not carrying her, she is carrying me/ I'm in the casket I've always wanted & it's not all its shaped out to be/ & I can see the grief drag darkness down the face of my wife, who didn't die with me but I know I took her life/ & the pride that used to live in my mother’s eyes, has her turned & sick/ no parent should ever have to bury their kid/ no one should ever have to go through this/ but it’s all I think about when our fingers are weave together/ although you're with me now you won't always be/ because I've made the decision to post pone my funeral-forever/ I’m the only man to sign his own eulogy/ because I went from dealing with- to a deal with- death & the devil himself to send me to straight to hell on earth/ to give me so much life that I get to watch my whole family die first/ & I’ll hold every casket the same way/ I’ll bear the unhappiness & pain/ I'll do whatever it takes/ to make sure no one I love has to see my grave.